“The more we crave for someone, the more heartbreaking it turns”
At times, it becomes damn difficult for me to save myself from plunging into a sea of Blue Devils. Despite the fact that I know – I am going straight to fall but really helpless at the same time which itself is an add-on reason of the doldrums I am beset with – “I cannot help myself”.
With some reasons, I collapse deep down, not every now and then, but it happens with no premonition. The reasons of my fall which cannot be embellished with words to make it comprehensive for others. If I ever try to explain, even to my mirror-image in the mirror, it looks silly, always. Consequently, I end up not to utter but to write.
When there is no one around but the silence that slowly turns sheer, and then suddenly starts engulfing to the point where I begin to feel buried, a kind of suffocation begins to hurt.
Silence is irenic but believe me it has mysterious capabilities to give anyone uncanny feelings with a blink of eye.
It so happened one day, it was a soothing evening tinged with red as the red hot sun was going away. I was sitting alone in my rocking chair on the terrace, with my devil cup of coffee in my hand, glaring at the setting sun. It was a picturesque scenery – a blurred row of perpendicular trees behind which the amber sun was slipping away, the puffy cloudlets scudding back and forth, and the way the empyrean was taking over different hues of vibrant colors, It was unbelievably mesmerizing.
Then I averted my eyes to the other side only to witness another beautiful phenomena of arcane nature – “Surprisingly, the full argent moon was looming in the sky”. A big round New Moon, filling the limitless sky along with the setting sun. It was truly awesome to see two big stars together.
A smile erupted on my face, and suddenly withered away as I heard brontide in the distance. I peeped in the direction where the clouds were rumbling. Far far away above the mountains, nimbus clouds were emerging full-force.
I sighed heavily with an awkward sound, and all of the sudden the serene silence turned into afflicting loneliness.
I frantically looked everywhere – there was no one around far and near. The longing to be with someone cringes me. I closed my eyes and a face popped up. I know who I am talking about, what it is, what I am craving for, and why suddenly the pain which I have been bearing for long became unbearable?
The more we crave for someone or something, the more disheartening it turns.
Fully awaken to the fact that I cannot hold the hand of the one I crave for, nevertheless I have been yearning and bothering myself in vain.
Why does it happen? I have no answer.
But one thing I understand – even the most beautiful elements may turn us impassive and trigger an inexplicable anxiety which can not be defined in words.