The exploration of life’s minutia gives substantial definition to the existence of any creature, acceptable or not, doesn’t matter. Every life is at large to perceive this world in its own ways.
It does not make a difference in which form the life is rolling. It never demands any acknowledgement against its existence, there is no parameter as such, only consciousness.
I have spoiled my individuality, someone mentioned it long ago. He was muttering it to his confidante with such a harsh pride on his face and smirked. I easily caught up the meaning of the derogatory lines he deliberately dedicated to me. I knew which part of my life was in focus.
Well, they are no longer able to hurt me as I have turned myself numb to avoid the surge of every possible sensation.
Having navigated through a state of great amount of traumatic confusion, eventually I braced to accept myself and removed all curtains as to live in open, “Above Bondage”. If there is no expectation which I nurture and want this outer world to care for it, the surroundings can’t invade me. They have no right, if I have excluded myself from them.
In a bid to attain ease, i created my own world of fantasies which laid in my brain and heart deep down, where i savour every bit of it. There is no one but me. The tranquility therein helps me to keep my composure and encourage fighting unease. When everything got entangled out and I failed to unravel the riddle of life, I decided to shut my eyes and turn inward. This is how a new world took shape for me.
But, in course of time, i found something gruesome there in too.
While creating a new space I had forgotten that the evil actually dwells in not out. Despite strong resistance, a monster had trespassed. Formless, mighty, an abettor, and a manipulator, always agog to destruct, the destruction of my consciousness, my faith in good, my way to embrace this life, and everything which makes me human, he is up to erase. “This is how the monster pleases himself”.
My aberration from the right is his indulgence.
I regret that every attempt of mine to overpower him brings me down. And this failure of mine allows the monster getting me round his abnormal demands, the demands of being wallowed in worldly pleasure.
It is the sole foe I have to deal with. The only menace which sometimes appeared to be unbeatable and cannot be dislodged from my world, but I am not going to capitulate, never.
On an outing to my dreamland, I came across a few succourers which also reside in my wonderland. The silent opponents of the monster whose subtle support helps me to regain my consciousness.
Though the loss cannot be recovered, but unexpected support always consoles somewhere.
With this little help, I decided to wage a war against this demon. Whatever may come, I believe this fickle luminescence of hope will gradually keep on emboldening me against him.
I was pulverized, crushed to dust, miserably failed to withstand the devil. The war seems decisive but to the evil only. Every now and then, my nerves are under his control.
At times I feel beset with a kind of supreme vehemence and other second the dread of falling into the trap of demon fills me to the brim.
He wants to spoil my world and want me to abandon myself to the rapacious outer, a world rife of artificial pleasure. That is what he wants.
He is up to prove that my grit and faith in withdrawal from the material is tacky. The way I perceive this world is worthless. There is no one who would stand by me with these abstract ideas of leading life.
He wants to shake my belief in me.
That’s the devil’s plan.
BY SANDEEP SAINI